Snow and stuff....
Now Playing: Mike and the Mechanics - The living years
Today, in Jerusalem....it snowed. Now, it only lasted about 20 minutes, and it was mixed in with freezing rain, and it didn't stick at all on the ground..but it WAS beautiful. And it was so weird to see snow in Jerusalem, or even Israel for that matter, which is a country that I associate with being hot and dry (it is the middle east after all!!!)

Now, I understand how cool it was for a lot of my California counterparts to see the snow (because well, they don't get to see it that often, or at least, they barely ever get to watch it fall). My friend Karen even started crying a little, and that was really touching to watch. But, aside from the fact that it was very pretty, I wasn't all that excited about it. I mean, i'm from Indiana. I don't think I've ever experienced a winter that didn't get at least a little snowfall (even if it was only for a few days). And on top of that, those of you who know me, you know that I absoultely HATE snow and ice. It's dangerous to walk and drive in, it's so cold, it gets all ugly and slushy after a few days...it's just no good. Frankly, I think I was looking forward to a winter without snow this year. My midwestern classmates agreed with me....it wasn't anything for US to freak out about, it seemed really normal.

Plus, on top of all of that...the snow began falling heavily while I was in the middle of giving a presentation in Hebrew class. We had been talking about sexual education in Israel in our class, so I did a presentation on what I used to do last year as Human Sexuality TA at Indiana Univ. I even handed out condoms!!!! But alas, it didn't prevent people from getting up in the middle of my presentation to run outside and play in the snow. Once their snow fetivities ended, people came back in and were more than happy to listen to the rest of my presentation. In fact, I even think they quite enjoyed it. But there was definately something lost in it, due to the snow situation.


Being who I am, I of course, have discovered friendships that go beyond my peers or with teachers in the classroom. I was watching some of my peers around me connecting with faculty members on a more personal, one-on-one level and it made me think....why didn't I do that already? I've always been one to form relationships with others based on my interest in them as a person, what I think they have to give me as a person, and what I think I can give to them....regardless of who they are, what their job is, or how they feel they "should" relate to me. I'm talking about people like Mr. Meister or Ms. Anderson, or even Dr. Spechler. People with whom I had academic relationships in High school and in college, but whose friendship and mentorship I saught out on my own. These people have proven to be some of the most significant people in my life (besides family and close friends) and I know that they always will be. And I knew a few months ago that I wanted a relationship like that with people here, but I didn't seek it out, and I'm not sure why. Then, when I saw my friends forming those types of relationships with faculty at school, rabbis in the Jerusalem community, and others, I thought....this is stupid. I should be doing this too!!!! Not because I need to, but because I want to, and I wasn't taking the time to really think about my needs and what I wanted.
Well, luckily...I think I've found it. I set aside some time each week to "hang out" with a faculty member that I really like, that I have stuff in common with, and that I think will prove to be a good friend in the future. And so far, I've really enjoyed that time. It somehow helps me. Like, i can talk about anything or everything or nothing, and it's just a good time to connect with another person who understands my situation this year, who is getting to know me and understand me, and who can help me see things I don't see, or find new perspective and meaning on the things I do know and see.

I hate using the word "mentor" because it seems so fake and rigid. Mr. Meister was like a mentor to me, but we shared so much more than just that, so I was always uncomfortable using that term because it seemed to cheat our relationship. It's a category and a label, and I don't like to label things that seem beyond labeling. No two relationships are ever alike. So while I see the need for categorization in order to organize things in our life....I never wanted to put that label on him, and i certainly don't want to use that label here. She's not my mentor, she's not my friend. She's a little of both and something else in between. In truth, I don't know yet what she is...so how could I possibly explain it. I just know that right now, I am glad that I decided to start fulfilling my needs of connecting to others that intrigue me and that I want to get to know better and spend time with. So far, it's never proven to hurt me in life...only help me and who I am and who I struggle to be and become.

May we all be so lucky to find people in our lives that we have a special connection to, that we learn from, that we share ourselves with, and that we grow from.

Vagina Monologues
Now Playing: Rain, outside my window
Last night, I and about 15 of my classmates performed the Vagina Monologues at HUC. What an experience!!!! Now, I've done some theatre in my life, but this was unlike any other theatre that I've ever experienced. For one, we all had a huge part in what we were producing. We gave input, had very open auditions, and collaborated on everything from the 'zine we published, to the causes we were giving money to, to doing costumes, makeup and decorations. This was a truley a "group" project, and I couldn' have enjoyed it more.
Secondly, for some women in our group, this was the first time they had ever performed in any kind of "serious" acting atmosphere. And this is a really hard topic to just jump right in to. I mean, I take for granted how comfortable I am with all of this material, but for others it was a real struggle. But they knew just how important it was to be a part of it all, so they let themselves struggle, and they grew from it. Watching me and my castmates grow during this production into confident women and actresses was an incredible blessing.
Third, I cried on stage. I was performing a piece about women in Islamabad, Pakistan who are victims of abuse by their husbands, and I cried. I didn't think I would, but I was in the moment and I was thinking about all the women that I was representing, at that second, who would never EVER have the chance to speak out like I was doing. Who would never have the chance to say the things I said last night, and who had been tortured or who had died as a result of abuse, neglect,or worse. I pulled it off, but after I got off stage (and the two other girls who were in the scene with me got off stage) we had a crying moment. Sometimes, theatre is not all fun and games, but there is an importance to it that needs to get conveyed to the audience. Well, I don't know if they got it last night....but I know I'll never forget it.

Finally, it felt good to be back on the stage again. The last time I was in a real production was about 6 years ago...and until last night, I forgot how much I missed it. There's so much work that goes in to brining a character or set of characters to an audience, but the rewards are incredible. Although I'm not going to drop out of rabbinical school and become a professional actress (as someone suggested I ought to, last night) it doesn't mean that I don't have room for both roles in my life. I want to make my career out of Judaism, and I want to leave and eat and breathe my Judaism....but that doesn't mean that I can't have hobbies.
You know how people always say: Take time for yourself, do what makes you happy.

Well, I guess I've figured out that this is also what makes me happy, and I shouldn't give it up just because I feel too busy or too tired, or too burntout on other stuff. Do what you love and love what you do!!! I know I'm really going to start trying to do just that......

Something's better on the other side.....
Now Playing: John Mayer - No such thing
What a week it's been. No, what a few weeks it's been. I think I have really understood the meaning lately, of feeling "stress" in my life. It's when too many things happen all at once, and although you think you know how to handle all of them...you aren't able to.
I came back from break and was thrown right back into a rigorous academic schedule that was stressful enough. That, and I've had two guests...which always requires a little extra attention. But I've loved having Immerman and Phyllis here!!!! That, and I lead services this week with Leah, my roommate. They were stressful, but came together beautifully and we had a great time...and i'd like to think we did a pretty good job of bringing a meaningful prayer experience to others. But over the past week, that took up a huge amount of my energy and time just practicing and perfecting everything. That, and I've had rehearsal for the "Vagina Monologues" (which is going up this Saturday Night!!!) like crazy. And my brother had back surgery on Monday. The operation was simple and went very well and he's recovering nicely.
So as it turns out, everything is playing out nicely, even though I felt so bogged down these past few weeks. There are some really good things that came out of the past few weeks too.
First, I have the most incredible support here and in my life back home. I cannot begin to thank my friend Karen enough for her support, constantly. And my parents and friends at home (I'm looking at you Abby!) were awesome too. That's just one of the neatest feelings ever. I mean, I honestly think I've never been so "stressed" in my life...and certain people really recognzied that and were totally there for me. Thanks everyone....it made it easier for me.
Second, it taught me that no matter the ups and downs...life goes on. Part of me always needs to remember that no matter how bad or hard my problems or life seem, it is all SO relative. Things could always be worse. Life could always be harder. Problems may never be resolved. Luckily, the mere speck of dust upon time and space that I am is both for good and bad. My ability to be here and do change and have an affect on others is finite...but everything around me is finite too. That's why living in the moment and appreciating what you have is so important to me.
Finally, i realized that it's important to tell people the way you feel about them. I mean, I think this is always important, but in times of stress, it's much more important...for our own sake...to tell those that we care about just how much we do. I told two people this week, whom I had never said it to before, how much their friendship meant to me. I told them how I think that me just knowing them makes me a better person, creates meaning in my life, and helps me see them for who they are and what they have to contribute in life. And although I'm sure it made them feel good, it made me feel good too. Try it. Just even one person. Tell them how much they mean to you. You'll be amazed how great it will make your day feel!

So the moral of the story is....stress ends. Live life. And trust me, you won't be sorry for it!!!!

Based on a conversation I had tonight with Rachael Bregman, this quote inspired me to think about my relationships with others, and particular relationships in my life:


I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you


I try to live a life without regrets. And sometimes that means taking risks in life, and stepping outside your comfort zone to let things in that will be meaningful to you. I've taken some real chances in my life that have definately paid off...but it doesn't mean that it wasn't scary for me or didn't make me feel vulnerable. It just reminded me that in order to get the things you need...you need to be aware of what your needs are and never be afraid to seek those needs.

And most importantly, recognize your worth. When that's recognized, you will no longer doubt what you need to do in order to become who you need to be.


Shabbat Shalom!

What a crazy week
Now Playing: Vertical Horizon - Best I ever Had
This has definately been a crazy way to come back to HUC. First of all, there was all sorts of balagan (hebrew for craziness) with me taking my bible final. Luckily, everyone was very flexible and all got resolved (it ended up being one big miscommunication mess)...but it was a little stressful for a while. But, at least it's checked off the list of things to do. Then, starting yesterday, we've been doing our mid-year colloquium. I thought it would be a nice way to come back from break...but, truthfully, it's really tiring. I mean, it's interesting stuff...but it's just exhausting me every day. We are dealing with a lot of personal and professional issues that come up in Reform Judaism and are struggling with some big stuff. Then, each night after we are done, we have "Vagina Monologue" rehearsals very late into the evening. I was at HUC last night until about midnight. That's 15 hours I was at school...that's just too much HUC time. I hope tonight's rehearsal isn't that long!!!! On top that, one of my closest friends from camp, Brian Immerman, is coming into town tonight. Now, I know I don't have to be his tour guide or anything...but he's my friend, and I want to spend time with him. He also knows a lot of other people in my program, and others in Israel/Jerusalem...so it will be good to have him around, but it will just add to my busy schedule.

Next week, I found out that I have two tests, on top of more rehearsals (where our scripts are now memorized...addded pressure!!!) and have to really prepare with Leah for our service the week after that. And right, I have school too!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!

The nice thing is that I'm getting to see lots of people in the next few weeks. Brian is coming, and my friend Dan Schwartz is here for the colloquium (he's a 2nd year student in Cincy and is helping us all out), and my friend Phyllis is coming next week to Jerusalem. So that's nice. And I've been able to meet some lovely new people. The 2nd year student from the New York campus, Rebecca Robbins, used to live in our apartment building last year. So a few nights ago she came over (because she was really friendly with the people in OUR apartment and wanted to see it). It was a really nice opportunity to sit down with her and talk about the realities of being back in the states as a student, and hear about all the gossip from last year...and just get some new perspective about this whole place and experience. And...she was really cool, I enjoyed meeting her. I've also had a chance to meet Rick Sarason, a professor at the HUC-Cincinnati campus, who knows my friends the Lipson-Walkers, very well. He's very intelligent and it's been delightful getting to know him and hear him speak.

We had our "state-side campus" dinners last night which was nice and scary all at the same time. It was nice, because I have some great friends coming with me to Cincinnati. It was scary because it was sort of like: Oh wow, I'm going to be spending the next 4 years with these same 14 other people. There are a lot more people going to the LA and NY campuses, but they sort of felt like that too, I heard. And it was hard facing the reality that in a few months, there are a lot of people...very close friends, in fact...that I'm just not going to be in class with over the next four years. And that was really hard. Karen (going to LA) even had to call me last night because she had this realization that we weren't going to be together...and it was hard for her. This from a 35 year old woman with a family and life in LA...and she was upset too!!!!
Reality just sort of bit us all in the face a little too much last night.

This year has been great, but it's not what the majority of my time at HUC will be like....by any means. Sometimes, I feel so lucky to be here, to have this incredible experience. To be given the opportunity to experiment and struggle and to dream and to learn and to meet incredible people and experience wonderful things. And even though my life is hectic, and I've been getting no sleep lately (partially due to jet-lag, and partially cause I've had no time) and I'm tired all the time....it's great...and it's finite. And although I know that being in the states is where i need to be and is what will help me accomplish my dream, and will lead to memories and a life of it's own, it's hard to think about that right now.

Right now I just have to look at what's in front of me, and face all those challenges and experiences head on, with both eyes open, with ears perked, and with no regrets!!!!

Off to rehearsal...have a great day/night!!!

Back in Ritz Ritz
Now Playing: Mike and the Mechanics - All I need is a Miracle
I am back in Israel. I have been gone for two weeks, and it feels really good to be back. Home was nice, but it was sort of weird, because my life isn't there anymore..at least not this year. So the whole time I felt like a visitor to this life that I wasn't used to. It was also broken up very weirdly, and I didn't really get as much done as I had hoped. At first, I was consumed by my family and friends and the New Years stuff that we did. Then I got sick for a few days...I mean, really SICK. I had to go to the doctor twice in less than 24 hours (and I barely ever go to the doctor). It wasn't exactly the flu, but it was flu-like and I was all feverish and snotty and gross. But once the powerful antibiotics kicked in, I was doing much better. Than my grandmother came for like a day and a half on her way back from Arizona. That was really nice, but again very rushed. Then we had this crazy ice storm and snow storm (nothing says welcome back to the midwest than that!) and so i stayed inside a lot and didn't really do anything. Then, it was time for me to go back to chicago and spend a day or two with Michael, Phyl, and David before I got my flight back to Israel. So I guess, I sort of feel like...I didn't really do anything. It's like I have nothing to show for my two weeks home except that I feel less sick than before I left.
I got to see one of my best and oldest friends, Tamar, who I hadn't seen in about 2 years (our studying abroad overlapped) and that was really nice to spend time with her and her family. I also go to see my friend Courtney for a little bit...but that was about it. Everything just felt so rushed, and like there was no real substance to it anyway. And by the end, I felt really ready to come back to Jerusalem. I missed a lot of my friends here (because remember that my brother was here for two weeks right before I left..so I haven't had a normal life here in over a month!), and a lot of my life here. It was a weird feeling..sort of all blah all the time.
And it's not that I wasn't happy to be home, and to see my family and spend time with my mom and my dad, and see how they are doing and what's going on in their lives. It just all felt so unsettling in a lot of ways.
Myabe I'm already dreading living here in about 4 1/2 months. I mean, I've already spend 6 1/2 months here, and I love my life and school, and the things i am doing. It's going to be very hard to say goodbye to everyone at the end of the year, and to say goodbye to living here in Israel. And it will come and go before I even know it. I have so much to do this semester, and I know that with every little thing that I accomplish and do, it will get me one step closer to the place I need to be, while simultaneously bringing my one step closer to ending my experience this year.
These next few weeks alone are going to be very busy. I have several guests coming in the next few weeks, I still have to take my bible final on Monday, we have this colloquiem thing all next week, I have to memorize and perform my piece in the "Vagina Monologues" in early February, and I'm leading services at the end of January. For March I need to write my D'var Torah and prepare for more visitors (my high school teacher and his wife are coming to Israel!!!) And on top of all that, I have to do normal school stuff, try to see the country, and have a life. And eventually, by April and May, I need to think about packing, and all of my preparations for going home (and I'm chanting a lot of Haftorah at the end of the semester). Whew, I get tired just thinking about it...but i love it too! I'm really happy here this year. And even though things can get stressful...that's life, life is always stressful, but at least I enjoy all of what i am doing.

So, I guess I'm trying to say that even though my break wasn't what I expected, it was still pleasant. And I'm glad to be back home in Israel. And even though things will be stressful for the next few weeks..I can totally handle it. And I'm looking forward to every minute of it!!!


"Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? --- Carpe --- hear it? --- Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary." ~Dead Poets Society

I miss my brother :(
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Shower the People you love with love - James Taylor
My brother just left, and it was hard saying goodbye to him. I mean, i've had to say a log of goodbye's in the past year, and i'm getting pretty good at it. But there is something hard about saying goodbye to your brother who came all the way to Israel to visit you for two weeks. It was his first time here, and I tried to make it memorable and enjoyable for him. I know that because I was in school, I wasn't able to do as much with him, all day every day, as I would have liked. But we did some traveling, we did the Jerusalem hot spots, he got to meet and spend time with my friends, see where i go to school and what i do in school, and understand what my life is like here this year. Part of me wishes that more of my family could have that opportunity too, but I'm glad that at least he was able to be here with me. And even though I am so fortunate to have him visit, it's really hard having to say goodbye too. And even though I will see him again at home in like literally 3 days, it won't be the same. His girlfriend will be there, our parents, and it will be totally different dynamics...and i'll only get to see him for about a day or so. But it won't be the same.
I guess I'm really lucky to have such a nice brother. He left his new girlfriend to spend two weeks with me, which i know was hard on him, and we had a great time. And he's a great big brother...I'm very lucky.

I'm also probably super emotional right now because of all the stress in life. It's finals week and on Wednesday I am returning to the states for 2 weeks to spend time with my family. So not only do I have to worry about packing, and getting ready to leave for break, but I also have to deal with finals before all of it. And I'm pretty safe in assuming that I'm not the only one who feels slightly overwhelmed right now. We've never taken finals at this institution and a lot of us overachievers feel unprepared and overworked and just plain nervous. But, we are doing out best.


I think my favorite part of his visit was when he and I would lay on my bed and bring my laptop into the bed and watch "Sports Night" DVDs while I would do homework, or study, or before I went to bed. We would just hang around and do what we do best....hang out with and laugh with each other. I've missed that.
I also got a chance to see parts of Israel that had become old habit to me, and see them through new eyes. I was able to be a semi-tour-guide-sister and I was able to do new and cool things. I guess the conclusion is...more people need to come and visit me!!!!

Okay, I would love to sit around and cry more about my brother's departure, but unfortunately, I need to go be productive. Good luck with finals this week, everyone, and those of you on break or on holiday or whatever...enjoy your time off and your time with loved ones!!!!! I Know i did!!!!

The week thusfar
Now Playing: It was You - D. Nichols
My brother and I went to the Israel Museum on Friday and saw the Dead Sea Scrolls in the Shrine of the Book. Then we went to Kol Hanishama for services Friday night. It was a lovely day all in all. Then Saturday, we woke up and went to services at HUC. I chanted Torah for the first time ever, and it was a lot of fun. I mean, I was a bit nervous, but it was cool having Jeffrey up there, saying the blessings before and after my Torah portion. And I worked hard on it these past few weeks, so it was nice to see that I was able to do a good job with it. But don't worry if you missed it...I have the whole rest of my life to chant Torah for you!!!!
Yesterday, I decided that it would be good for me to go to class, since it's the last week of the semester and all, and so I got some work done and went to class and Jeffrey met me for Cantillation class and then we went and worked out in the bomb shelter. After that, we went to eat at Little Italy and I came home, wrote a paper and crashed. I've been so tired lately. It's probably a combination of having been sick, lots of stress at the end of the semester, and a true lack of sleep over the past week or so.
Today I have lots of class again today, and I think Jeffrey is just going to bum around the Old City, and maybe go on a walking tour or something. I'm not done with class until 6pm tonight, and then I have tons of homework (Mondays are always hard) so it won't be too exciting for Jeffrey....but some days are just like that. I think he's going to go with me to classes tomorrow and then we may head off to Ben Yehuda street and teh Shuk and whatnot. On Wednesday, we are probably going to go to Yad Vashem and Har Herzl (although it's reallyt cold, so we'll see...) So we're just having busy little lives here!!! But it's been a lot of fun so far, and I'm getting a lot of my work done now too...or at least trying!!!! Have a great week everyone!!!! :)

My brother is in the HOLY LAND!!!!
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Cranberries- Ode to my family
It's true...MY BROTHER IS HERE IN ISRAEL!!!!! And it's so nice to have him here. It's really a great feeling just having him here in my apartment, being at school with me, meeting all my friends, and getting a real glimpse at what my life this year is like.

Tuesday morning my friend Lisa and her mom and I drove to the airport (yup...I rented a car!!!) to pick Jeffrey up. The new terminal is beautiful and it was great getting to meet him at the airport. Then we all drove down to Masada and the Dead Sea. The Judean desert is absoutely beautiful!!!! We also had to stop in the middle of the road because goats were crossing with their shephard. It was a little surreal. When we got to Masada we hiked up the Roman Ramp and spent about an hour on top looking at the ruins and enjoying the scenery. Then we decided to go have lunch in Arad and Jeffrey had his first official falafel...the boy just loves it!!! At least one of us does....
By the time we got to the Dead Sea, it was about 4pm and the sun was beginning to set. Now, despite what many people told me....the weather and the water was freezing!!!! But all four of us got in anyway!!!! We weren't in for too long, but it was really fun for the 10 minutes we were in.
Yesterday I drove Lisa's mom to the airport and then Jeffrey and I came home and went grocery shopping like true Israelis (meaning we had a car with us, instead of having to take a cab or walking with a million groceries). That was so liberating, and it made me feel like a civilized person who truly lives in Israel!!! Then, last night we went to my professor Paul's house to participate in a simulation game for my Contemporary Middle Easter culture class....so fascinating and fun!!!
This morning I let Jeffrey sleep in while I took a hebrew test, and then he met me at school and we walked to the Old City. We went though the Armenian and Jewish quarters and then down to the Western Wall. It was so cool to see all of my brother's reactions to everything, including the wall. There is really nothing like that first time of being there, and it's nice to be reminded of that every once in a while. I think tonight we are going to go out and do our usual Thursday night activities which include dinner, going to Zolly's (bar), and then maybe Heleni's for dancing or a movie or something. I gotta show my brother how rabbincal students have fun!!!!!

I've realized a lot of new and interesting things since having a visitor here. For one, I really do know a lot of hebrew and can converse very well and translate very well for him. I'm so used to being with others that speak at least some hebrew, but it's a totally different experience being in this country with someone who really doesn't understand any of it. It's really nice to feel like i have such a grasp of the language that I can be a good translator..YAY HEBREW!!!! Second, driving here was so much fun!!!! I mean, israeli's are some of the craziest drivers I have EVER encountered and they will come all up in your lane (even when you are in your own lane) but it's really given me a sense of normalcy here. Driving back from Tel Aviv yesterday morning, just me and the highway, and my cd's was so nice and very relaxing...and totally liberating!!! It made me feel like I really live here. And on the way home from the Dead Sea, I only got lost once...but don't worry, we turned back before we got too close to the West Bank. I think I might rent a car more often!!!!!!
Third, I haven't been to class so much in the last few days, but that's okay. My semester is almost over, and a lot of my work is done, so it's not such a big deal. Next week I'll be in class more, and I'll book more independent tours for Jeffrey so he can get to see more of the city than I really have time or knowledge to show him. Finally, I realized that I really do know a lot about this city, and I'm learning so much about Judaism and about Israel and about being a rabbinical student, and I think these changes are pretty evident. It's nice to get have an outside indicator of how I'm growing, maturing, what I'm learning, and what I'm doing.
Okay, well I think we are going to nap a bit before we go out tonight. I'll try to update again in the next few days. For now, just go check out our pictures from the past few days (we have lots!!!) and have a great day!!!! :)

Channukah Break
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Tonic- If you could only see
It's officially my Channukah break. I'm officially on paper lockdown. I'm also officially sick. And my brother officially comes in 6 days!!!!! So I need to get some stuff done over this break. Luckily, I've written most of my Israel Seminar paper today, and I just have to go back to the library tomorrow to research books for my liturgy bibliography paper, and get some other stuff done. So, it's not so much of a break, as it is time for me to catch up or work ahead so I don't get bogged down with stuff while Jeffrey is here. That, and I need to rest. I will NOT be sick when he is here. Besides, it's just a cough....that'll clear up in no time, right???? RIGHT!!!! I'm intent on being productive in all of my endeavors during this break!!!

Anyway, Happy Channukah to those celebrating!!!!