Mood: not sure
I know that my recent e-mails and posts ( and even phone calls...if you've gotten them) have been pretty positive so far, but this one's going to be a little different.
Today was just....overwhelming. We had this lady come in the afternoon to talk to us about cross-cultural differences and how we deal with our time here and stuff....and it was just the wrong time for me to deal with this. When she was talking about Israeli society and why people are so different she was talking about how Israel is in a constant state of mourning and choas because that's what they know how to be....it just made me really sad for israel. It also made me homesick for the first time since I've been here...not so much missing people or certain places, but like America..on the whole. It's hard moving to a foreign country, especially one that is SOOOO different from the way America is, and I don't think I allowed myself to feel that yet. Then we went on to talk about what types of stages we will go through during the year and trying to make everything a learning experience and a challange instead of a crisis. That part of the session was better, but I still feel sort of down. I think this is the first time I've been processing being here and what I'm doing here and how i fit in here now and how I will throughout the year. It might always be a struggle, but hopefully as the year goes on, and as i start really speaking the language more and more...it will be easier.
I also feel frustrated by little things.....I'm sick of my comuter not working...those of you who know what it's like to be attached to a computer know that it's hard....it's been almost two weeks since it's worked properly and although I know it will get resolved soon...I'm tired of being patient about it.
Also, my friend's mom is going into surgery today in an attempt to remove cancer....that may be what's stressing me out the most....wanting to be there even though i can't be. But these are things I'll have to deal with this year...from afar.
I guess there are just things that make me feel unsettled even though I feel that i want to be settled here. it's a difficult feeling, even though I know it is totally normal to be feeling all of this right now, and knowing that my classmates are probably feeling this way too (or had been, or will be) is comforting...but i still feel a little lost right now.
Not to worry, I'm doing well on the whole, just trying to process all of this and all that goes along with living abroad for the year. Luckily I seem to have a great group of friends that genuinely care about me (and that noticed I was down and let me be cranky at first, then cry on their shoulders...as we are all doing for each other), a great support system at HUC and a fabulous and caring roommate. So I couldn't ask for much more....I think i jsut needed to write about it. So even though things have been pretty good until now, it's starting to sink in that things are going to be different this year....and that it will also be one of the most memorable years of my life.
The good, the bad, and yes...even the ugly.
I promise the next post will be more uplifting!!!! (and please don't e-mail me all at once with your concerns...I'm fine) I just figured that if everyone wants to know what's really going on in my life this year...well, this is a small part of it too! Have a beautiful day, filled with peace and love!!!!!